I go, to seek a great perhaps.: This was my very worst of circumstances. I had become despondent and dependant, needing more care than an armful of... -
His withdrawal only made me more needy, and my neediness only advanced his withdrawals, until soon he was retreating under fire of my weeping pleas of “Where are you going?”, What happened to us?” (dating tip: men LOVE this)
The fact is, I had become addicted to David, and now that his…
“What’s got you all wadded up?” he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.
“Don’t ask” I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, “And worst of all, I can’t stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it’s all coming up again.”
He says, “Give it another six months, you’ll feel better.”
“I’ve already given it twelve months, Richard.”
“Then give it six more. Just keep throwin’ six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time.”
I exhale hotly though my nose, bull-like.
“Groceries [he calls her Groceries, how AWESOME is that?!],” Richard says, “listen to me. Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.”
“But I really loved him.”
“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”
“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”
“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”
“But I love him.”
“So love him.”
“But I miss him.”
“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”
“But I wish me and David could —“
He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”
Officially weighing 49 kilos :)
Please excuse my unpolished toes. I weighed 53 kilos this year and I am just so haaaaapppppyyyyy to have lost weight especially since I’ve had my slacks repaired 3 times because the zipper keeps giving up!lolololol
I basically lost the weight through juicing (blended fruits and veggies) as meal replacements, lemon-cucumber-mint water and warm lemon juice. I also don’t consume soda and junk food as often as I used to.
I’m looking forward to taking care of myself better. Weeeeeee! :D Next step, hiring my friend Mon as my personal fitness instructor but I gotta save up money for it first :)
In the midst of depression and loss, it is tempting to neglect the things that you have and focus on what you no longer have. Tonight, after working out and dining with my friends, I realized how I have so much to be thankful for.
This is a run down of the awesome things I have been blessed with (in no particular order). Maybe you should do this too, I’d like to see what makes you grateful :)
1. A GOOD JOB
Man, I used to hate this job for many reasons. I have complained incessantly about to virtually everyone because it was not what I wanted. But I have to realize that it is in partial, a fulfillment of my dreams. This job allows me to LEARN.
This job places me in the same room with leaders, decision makers, millionaires, cabinet secretaries and politicians. I get to hear what they say, listen to arguments, see things from their perspective and my, do I learn.
This job is challenging…walking in high heels, leaving the office at 1:00am to report back at 8:00am, travel, write letters, scrabble words, fixing the amazing invention called the fax machine, wrestling with MS Office Applications and what not.
2. MY BODY
I can jump, run, dance, climb, lift things with my body. It’s amazing. I can hug and kiss people, shake hands and reach out.
I used to think my body was my enemy. I was actually my body’s enemy. My friend Mon who has remarkably transformed his body inspires me so much I am getting his services! I can’t wait to do a headstand :)
3. MY FAMILY
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my family, phamely, pffffaaaammmmmiilllleeee!!!
4. MY FRIENDS
Those who I suddenly bump into, those who give me sincere hugs and besos after eons of not seeing each other. The friends, who, like Fritz and Kathy Mar do not allow my mind to wander and dwell in its chambers. “Do not go there.” (Flores, F. 2013). The friends who let me unload my burden, the friend who did not turn into my lover.hahaha Dili na unta ta friends karon kung nag uyab ta. Thank God wala ka nagka gusto sa akoa.hahaha
Food I get to buy, I get to choose and enjoy. Too many of us neglect this. There are far too many hungry people in the world. Be thankful for God’s continuous provision.
6. MY NEW DRESS
I really like it, I’ve worn it twice since I bought it.
I love lemons.
Food for the soul <3
Thank you Jesus. Thank you to those who have forgiven me too :)
12. MY BEAUTY
My own kind of beauty which can be perceived as less or more than other types of beauties but it’s my own brand of beauty. I’m thankful that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), I am beautiful not by anybody else’s standards but by God’s standards :)
13. THOUGHT CATALOG
Reminds me I am not alone.
Reminds me that there are millions of things to laugh about.
It just had to be said twice.
Rachel - Boston
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